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Couch Classics

by Clint Westwood

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1.
2.
Down at happy hour everyone is getting pissed Man it's getting rowdy and nobody gives a shit Someone put on Slayer Reign in Blood on the jukebox Drunk, five o clock, sniffin coke, doin shots A hot summer night and a whole lot of drinkin goin on The bar is getting crowded, people stepping on toes Way too many dudes and not enough ho’s H-A’s Vatos Squatters and meatheads All fired up blacked out seeing red Bumped an elbow spilled a whiskey on the rocks Now there’s a whirlwind of fists throwing blows getting dropped There’s a rumble in the pub Sucker punch blind side Some one’s got a knife Bar stool from behind Lets get drunk and start a fight There’s a fine young thing throwing darts by herself Suicide girl type bad for your health You’re all greased up full of whiskey feeling good She’s giving the look like a bad girl should So you line up a shot and lean in close for the kill She’s rubbing on your arms and waiving her hair You’re thinking one more drink and she’s goin down there Then a voice from behind says ‘hey Peckerhead!’ With his cauliflower ears and a Tap out V-neck He swings and he missed, hit the dude next to you Beer bottle in your hand, man you know what to do There’s a rumble in the pub Sucker punch blind side Someone’s got a knife Bar stool from behind Pool cue in the eye Lets get drunk and fuck shit up
3.
Sure is nice in San Francisco in the summertime watching the fog roll by I’m just a working man doing the best I can Life ain’t no joke when you’re always broke scrounging for liquor and smokes Another year drinking dirt cheap beer passing time again Drinking Old Milwaukee passing time again Some time ago a crazy cold hearted woman stole up all of my love She told me that I’m completely worthless but she’s still all I’m thinking of I was cruising around town and I stopped by her house And found her fucking my best friend on the couch So I doused the place in gasoline and burned it to the ground Drinking Old Milwaukee losing all my friends Drinking Old Milwaukee who needs those friends I lived in the same stinking town for most of my days I never got a real job I never got a raise I broken TV and a view of the street was all I ever had I spend most my nights getting drunk getting high Man it ain’t so bad Drinking Old Milwaukee waiting for the end
4.
Stranger 04:15
I’m a stranger here, stranger in my home town Everybody’s walking, they walk right by They don’t look me in the eye Everybody talking, they talking lies They don’t look me in the eye On my own I’m a stranger here All on my own, I’m a stranger here I guess I’m headed southbound On that old lonesome road I sing my song but it falls on def ears I play this here guitar but nobody seems to hear Give me a quarter for the jukebox I’m drowning in whiskey and beer On my own I’m a stranger here I guess I’m headed southbound On that central coast corridor I’m a dead man walking through troubled times A shadow in the barroom with gypsy eyes A drifter in a ghost town, a fly on the wall Nobody says a word to me but I hear them all
5.
I pledge allegiance to Pabst Blue Ribbon It’s the only red white and blue that I can relate to You may think that its un-patriotic But there’s nothing more American than being an alcoholic I smoke and I drink, you lie steal and cheat I’m broke, living cheap and I wanna secede I pledge allegiance to bourbon whiskey It’s the only medicine that really cures the pain You may think that its un-patriotic But there’s nothing more American than being an alcoholic I pledge allegiance to my brain on drugs I blame the government for fooling everyone You may think that it’s un-patriotic But there’s nothing more American than being hooked on narcotics You pledge allegiance to god, guns and trucks I must be a asshole, cause I think it all sucks But I like ass and titties and that’s god damn patriotic Cause there’s nothing more American than being idiotic You pledge allegiance to corporate personhood To sip that piss that trickles down and taste the greater good Let’s string ‘em up there by there neck ties and burn ‘em with their profits Cause there’s nothing more American than being fucking psychotic You pledge allegiance to the TV Fat dumb and drooling watching reality So shove that remote up your ass and call it macaroni Cause there’s nothing more American than being a fucking phony I smoke and I drink, you lie steal and cheat I’m broke, living free and I wanna secede Stay away from me, you’re my enemy I guess we’ll wait and see
6.
I’m just a drinkin man what do want from me? There’s only so much I can stand of what you want from me I’m tired of waking up everyday wishing I could leave this place Drinking everything in arms reach to put a smile on my face Passed out in the hallway again with one boot on Had me a lady now she’s gone I’m a drinkin man please leave me alone It’s been so long I don’t even know There aint nothing wrong with having no place to go Because a real drinkin man don’t need anything at all A real drinkin man don’t get no mail, no phone calls A real drinkin man only buys himself a drink at the bar Drinkin man rides the trolly cause they towed his car I’m a drinkin man please leave me alone
7.
She’ll blow into town sipping on whiskey You party all night but something’s just missing Now you’re runnin ‘round though the shady part of town On a mission for a fix, she’ll bring you down Now she’s on the run, she’s not coming home Down at the corner store dialing that pay phone Going down her list to see who’s holding it Fixing up her tits and waiting for a lift One more line and she’s feeling nothing She ain’t got no money she’s good for something She’ll call out your name don’t get used to her The cocaine angel belongs the pusher She says she loves you, you know that she’s lying One moment she’s laughing the next she’s crying She’s so beautiful and strong And she’ll fuck you from dusk till dawn But as soon as she gets bored she’s moving on Now you’re on the ground just like a flapping fish A shot through the heart and a ride in the ambulance She almost got you killed, left you with a hospital bill No you walk through the door and find her swallowing all your pills Now she’s freaking out, waiving a gun around Leaves you gagged and bound and hops on the Greyhound Can’t find your wallet, cause she took all of it Its your fault admit you should have called it quits One more line and you’re feeling nothing She took all your money and skipped town so fuck it She crossed our your name you got used by her The cocaine angel belongs to the pusher
8.
Idle Hands 04:07
Listen to the wind Voices are whispering ‘come in’ Can we come in? It’s cruel to grow old Each breath is slowly exhaling your soul Cold and alone lucid dream Your sweet memories Please bring them back to me Idle hands Letters and photographs Skipping record on a phonograph An ocean of dust preserves the moment when your life stood still another year the world keeps spinning around you like old rusty gears you no longer have the strength to sing old sweet melodies please bring them back to me idle hands anyone, can you hear me? I forgive you for leaving me far behind I swear I’ll be right there Just as soon as I’ve done my time If I drag my weak body outside Will you guide it into the light? I’m ready to die
9.

credits

released November 8, 2013

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Clint Westwood San Diego, California

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